After a week of random daytime contractions that got closer together before bed, yesterday I went hopefully and willingly to my Dr apt. (though I still secretly hoped for my water to break on the way to avoid the awkward and offensive exam)
1cm... what a crappy number... same as last week. Yes, there were tears of disappointment.
At over 41 weeks, I am encouraged to know that baby is fine and the placenta is still doing it's job. I am thankful that I can carry a child, even if I can't seem to deliver them. And I am thankful that I live in a country and time where this doesn't mean death for our baby and/or me. However there is a strange but real mourning that my logic can't seem to shake.
Thank you God for turning my eyes from this momentary trial, thank you for reminding me that my most important job is forth coming. When our son is 2,7,13,20 it's not going to matter how he got here, it's going to matter if we pointed him toward you.
We have a c-section scheduled now... prayers for a safe and healthy delivery and recovery are very much appreciated. Also for little J, being 2 is tough any how and his whole world is about to change. Unfortunately surgery will complicate things further. (mainly me being on pain medication and unable to lift him while my abdomen heals)
...all to thee my blessed savior, I surrender all..
